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Single In The Hood [09 Jan 2010|10:25pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I submitted my audio files: Single In The Hood and Jesus You're All I Need to Spirit West Coast Talent Search, it would be a great opportunity if I get picked to play at the festival,whatever happens I will rejoice! :]
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Fasting [07 Jan 2010|10:27pm]
My school started the 21 day fast yesterday. I decided only to miss dinner so I eat breakfast and lunch, which is hard because I'm so use to snacking and grubbing at night.

However, since I'm fasting, I've been using the time I would usually eat to reflect. I find myself reflecting a lot and I began to reflect on my past friendships. I began to feel sorry, there's a deep morose in me for the friendships I sort of severed during my spiritual transformation, but I don't regret it. Though I was naive, I wouldn't be where I am had I clung to everyone...yet now I find myself alone clinging to nothing but God. If I knew what I knew now I wouldn't have done it the way I did, but I did my best. I would have probably sustained a social life and kept in touch with all the beautiful people I left behind even though they probably don't miss me anyways, I'm a new person...life doesn't necessarily work out the way you would like it, and plus I'm just so consumed with family duties it makes it quite difficult...but I'm not trying to complain. These are just the cards I'm dealt with; hopefully, one day I'll be able to make the effort. God has given me the okay. =)

Today I prayed and asked God, "Are you happy? I've neglected everything for you."...and God said "You didn't have to, but you did, and look you've come so far, now you're strong enough"...and I wept. I didn't have to, but I did. I willed it, and it was free will out of my love I had for Jesus Christ that ignited something inside of me to drop everything I was doing and walk in a different direction in life though I acted out of impulse and not wisdom. In addition, its not easy learning the hard way, but man is it amazing to have free-will, because free-will makes love possible. God is not a tyrant, nor is He a dictator, I've just chosen to will my life over to Him and I don't regret that at all.

"It is objected that the ultimate loss of a single soul means the defeat of omnipotence. And so it does. In creating beings with free will, omnipotence from the outset submits to the possibility of such defeat. What you call defeat, I call miracle; for to make things which are not Itself, and thus to become, in a sense, capable of being resisted by its own handiwork, is the most astonishing and unimaginable of all the feats we attribute Deity." (C.S Lewis, The Problem of Pain, Chap. 8)
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I'm toast! [03 Jan 2010|04:04pm]
I'm not preaching next week. I'm preaching this Wednesday! & I'm the second person to go up. Agh, 7 minutes on the book of Exodus in my Homiletic class. Lawid help me.
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Goalie Goalie! [02 Jan 2010|03:06pm]
[ mood | motivated ]

Don't have resolutions but things I need to remind myself to do and keep up like
updating more in here which I've done like errday since the beginning of this week. =)

& I'm tired of looking like a bum. I'm going to try to do it all. I've never really been high maintenance but I wanna work on being dolled up 24/7 which means less sleep or no sleep. So I want to work on maintaining my spiritual life [prayer&devotional/reading the word], my physical life [running a mile 3-5 times a week/vitamins/diet], mental life [academics&grades].

How I've done so far?

I need to work on my spiritual walk, I'm going to try to read the bible through cover to cover. I've tried to read it when I first got saved I read the Pentateuch and man was Leviticus boring. But I've been studying it and there is actually so much depth to the book. Now I've read through almost all the minor prophets, but stopped to read Exodus to prepare myself for my Homiletic Sermon.

During the trimester I've been running a mile around the track whenever I had the time to at least 3 times a week, so now I'm going to try and keep it that way cos' I have not done anything active the past two weeks. However, eating Fastfood is not helping! Its so hard cos' school takes up so much time and theres no time to prepare lunch the night before cos of homework and practicum. Anyways, hmmnn I should stop making excuses and try and have self-control. So I'll try to eliminate fast-food from my diet.

My grades are good but I need to work on time management because I'm falling behind in my reading and I always forget to do page out when I go on break. NOT GOOD! Anyways, I need to work on getting things done early-way ahead of time. =)

Future goals pending:
-->So I signed up on Sonicbids for the Spirit West Coast competition but my deng files won't upload, the deadline is in March so I got time, I just want to get dibs @ the beginning because I really think this can be an open door for me. I really wanna enter "Single In The Hood" in the competition so maybe its God's will! =) This means I have time to record "Single In The Hood" on garageband. So amateur musician me is going to have to figure out how I'm going to get all the instruments. I can substitute the drums with the tambourine and figure out the chords on the keyboard and have my nephew play the ukelele. Sounds like a project to be complete! Fun. =)
-->Need to plan and talk to my pastor about getting with the churches in the community about possibly holding an outreach outdoors in Milpitas. This means more faith, and more faith means more trials and crazy believing in the impossible. This also means more evangelism, we can't have an outreach if we're not reaching the needs of the community. The church is not necessarily being represented in Milpitas. Theres no presence whatsoever, I mean if I did not feel it when I was in highschool then there def no presence cos' Christians are just cooped up and warming up the pues, not all of them...just the majority of them. & I need to work on that myself. I don't wanna look like some random person holding a club up in the air roaring. I need to def download some wisdom from God about this fershure. I need to get involved. Whats the use in preaching if I ain't walking what I'm preaching and actually being involved in people's lives. As for the faith part, last time for the concert I had no band and God provided a band two weeks before my concert who got all my songs down, but they compromise and aren't saved and I can't be preaching while the band behind me aren't walking what I'm talking. Hmnn this means more prayer and sore knees, and more goody goody Jesus Moments. Me wub dee Lord!::sigh:: here goes to another year. Aye aye aye.
-->I also have to keep writing, I am downloading so much. I don't think a musical is far fetch. I live in the country where dreams come true! and I already climbed one mountain last year so I'm going to keep going! This is exciting mixing two mediums, songwriting-and theater, Its exiting. Its crazy at school though seeing everyone and the plans God has for them. My calling is here in the big U.S.A and its dreamy too, but then you have those people like my friend Ravee who lived the big life in Pasedena looking forward to dedicating her whole life to pioneer missions and reaching out to the unreached people groups in 3rd world countries. Its beautiful witnessing people from all sorts of background giving their whole life to the sole purpose of serving God. ♥

Anyways, in order to have all this come to pass I need the Lawid.
Help me Lawid!

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School [01 Jan 2010|10:34pm]
[ mood | busy ]

I start school on Monday. :/ A part of me just wished I spent half of my break on campus so I would get work done, but things don't work out that way.

Things to do:
#1)Paper due Monday @ 6pm
#2)Paper due Wednesday @ 8:05am
#3)Prayer Journal/Practicum Reflections due Wednesday

And I just got done reading the book of Exodus and I have to preach the whole book within 7 minutes for my Homiletics class in a couple of weeks behind the pulpit. Who preaches a whole book in 7 minutes? Thats cuh-razy! Hahaha. There's so much information and my sermon cannot be too themey it also has to match the double helix and have a balance of explanation, illustration, and application while simultaneously addressing the FCF [fallen condition]. Anyways reading the book front to back is a start. Lawid would you help me please! =)

Its funny because before I went on this whole spiritual whirlwind I never thought of myself as the preaching type, I thought the complete opposite. God does have a sense of humor I mean look at me, I went from being a naive adolescent to now being a preacher woman? Who does that?! Hahahaha. & I'm at bible college? WTHekkerz?! Complete 360 dude. Cuh-razy stuff.

Omg! & I almost forgot I have to finish the shirt design for the Mardi Gras shirts agrrrgh!

scratch #1, #1 should be --> Finish Mardi Gras designs

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Writer's Block: New Years Traditions [31 Dec 2009|09:50pm]
Do you usually call your friends and/or family on New Year's Eve? Do you watch the countdown or ball drop on TV or choose to ignore it? What are your favorite New Year traditions?

No I don't do any of those things, I might send a mass text and post something on Facebook, but I don't call people. I don't really like talking on the phone either. Its just another night for me, especially since I'm stuck at work. The rest of the fam are together celebrating. I don't have any New Years traditions anyway. I chose to sacrifice my night to relieve my mom from work so the fam can go to the Fijian church gathering-with live music, food!, and mekkes [fijian traditional dancing]. We work for an elderly couple who have 24/7 care so I had to be here.

I was trying to start my paper, but I have writers-bloc and can't seem to get anything down. People usually write their body then their introduction, but I can't do that. I have to write my introduction before I can build up my paper. So I just threw in the towel.

And I decided tonight is just gonna be a pretty chill night, I'm trying to catch up on Greys Anatomy since the couple just got into bed. hahah the last time I watched this show I was getting really into it from the first season in '06 and now its about to be 2010 so its been a pretty long time since I've watched the show. I don't watch TV but I watched the end of Season 5 here @ work the other day and want to watch what happens. I keep having to refresh Hulu and its annoying. ::sigh::

Heppy New Yerrs Ebbybody or Everypoly haha. =]

on a another note:

I've been thinking long and hard. I don't have fun anymore. I don't go out for myself and I miss having a social life. It would be nice just to go out for the sake of going out and meeting up with people but something always comes up and I become selfless in the situation. In addition, I don't want to be selfish either so its just a choice I've made and I'm going to have to deal with it. I miss the company though. + I also miss the shows. I'm going to try to go to one. I wanna skank & groove so bad. But I got no buddies who would skank with me, everyone at bible college is into contemporary music and Hip Hop. :::Sigh::: whatev, I need to get to know some new blood Christians who have the same interests as me.
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Narrow it down [30 Dec 2009|08:28pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

I have a paper due on Monday the day I get back, but all I wanna do is free-lance write. I've been pretty inspired the past two weeks. I've been thinking a lot and pondering about what is to become of my future. There is so much I wanna do for God, but I know that "the narrow my focus the bigger my influence" I got that from one of my professors and man is that good. I need to narrow my focus if I want to make an impact in the community or communities around me. His promises comes to pass, now I just need to focus. focus. focus. ::sigh::

I don't know how my professor does/did it: He got his AA in Broadcasting, was a missionary in Africa, got his Masters and Doctorate, wrote a book, is a black belt in Kick Boxing, moved in the gift of healing, is a drummer and plays the congos, rides a Harley, is the Academic Dean of my school, and is currently teaching 3 classes! hah.

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vices [26 Dec 2009|10:28pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I am truly enjoying my break. I never ever have enough leisure time to do any of my vices. I finally got to paint a portrait for a special friend. I was amazed that this painting actually looks dead on like Taufa. Its been a while, but I def want to get back to painting and practice my skills.

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A reminder [14 Dec 2009|07:50pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Tonight is the second time one of my professors from two different classes read my paper out loud to the class as an example of a good paper. I'm so humbled. I must be doing something right. Sometimes when I start to feel an ounce of inadequacy things like this happen. PTL!

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ketchup [13 Dec 2009|09:10pm]
I wanna meet up with people...its been forever. Lets hang out?
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The hardest thing [19 Oct 2009|05:47pm]
The hardest thing about being a Christian is dealing with other Christian hypocrites.
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I posted this on FB: "Milpitas and The Harvest" [17 Apr 2009|03:47pm]
Dear everyone,

I'm praying while I am writing this....In Oakland where I go to school (School of Urban Missions) I have the privilege of experiencing the most vicarious movement that I know will make history in the Church and the coolest thing about it is, its going to happen in the Bay Area right here in Oakland. Guest Speakers have been coming to my school and calling Oakland...the Oaks of Righteousness. In addition, I'm claiming a similar title, but not just in Oakland...but in Milpitas...my hometown.

When I went home over the weekend I went door to door in Milpitas just sharing the love of God and it hit me so hard. I came back home broken. I started to examine myself and realized that I am free, but am I really free? Because it seems like I pass up someone on BART and I feel like I should tell them a word, but I am too scared because they may look at me crazy. "That Jesus Freak...thinks she knows it all. Bunch of hypocrites. I don't want your religion blah blah blah."...trust me I got a lot of that at Mardi Gras. But anyways, if I'm really free wouldn't I go to the extremes of freeing someone else? I have experience this freedom and all I want to do is expose the people who I once knew...and the city I was raised- in the power of God. I don't want to promote a religion. In fact, religion is the problem because we get cooped up with traditions and LOSE THE PRACTICALITY of the Gospel. Religion is man's way of trying to define and reach God and Christianity (Jesus) is God's way of touching humanity by loving us, forgiving us, dying on the cross, and raising from the dead. That is why I want to promote JESUS CHRIST because it was Him who freed me of my misery, my loneliness, my dependency on drinking, smoking, the high to satisfy me. You see, there was that void in me that could not be satisfied by the things of the world and God filled that, and now it is going to overflow to others.

While I was seeking God I was weeping...asking what is a girl like me to do? I am a nobody...a loser who chose to lose her social life, friends, image and everything at the cost of following this God? Why?....

I open the bible and searched the scriptures and it read,

Who is wise and understanding among you? Show by your good life that your works are done with gentleness born of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not be boastful and false to the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from above, but is earthly, un-spiritual, devilish. For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there will also be disorder and wickedness of every kind. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace for those who make peace.

-- James 3:13-18 (NRSV)

I started to think about Milpitas because "Milpa" can be translated as "cornfield". What is interesting about this is I remember as a child that my mother planted a cornfield since I live up in the hills by Ed Levin park. In fact I have a picture of me in front of that cornfield smiling posing for the camera as a 7 year old and now I look at that picture with great significance. Lord, am I going to be that peacemaker?

In addition, in Mexico and South America Milpa is known as a crop growing system. However, "milpa" is not just some typical agricultural system. The farmers have a great responsibility to interconnect and form relationships with each other as well as being connected to the crop and the land.

Then I ran into this quote:

For example, it has been noted that "the making of milpa is the central, most sacred act, one which binds together the family, the community, the universe...[it] forms the core institution of Indian society in Mesoamerica and its religious and social importance often appear to exceed its nutritional and economic importance." ( Nigh, R. (1976) Evolutionary ecology of Maya agriculture in highland Chipas, Mexico. PhD dissertation, Stanford University. Ann Arbor: University microfilms.)

I believe that if the church does its duty as peace makers we will be able to expose the city to the power of the gospel. Are we working together? Are we just expecting numbers? According to the quote, in that culture the community didn't really care about the results but they cared about the community as a whole. What happen to our Faith Community? Why is there a church on every corner and there is a drug epidemic in Milpitas?..I don't care if its in the suburbs. We cannot be ignorant about the things that occur in our city because I lived it and I have witnessed it. Why do people look at Obama as the one to bring Change? Why was Tu-Pac the Hip Hop prophet who became the voice of the oppressed? Its because people are searching for a hero to save them and we (the church) aren't exposing these people to the savior who is our hero and every answer to our problems. We look to celebrities and political leaders...I mean in every action movie there is that hero. In my Systematic Theology class I remember the discussion about I AM LEGEND...and Hankcock or Armegeddon in relation to society's fixation on "heroes"....when Jesus in fact came to save the world through spiritual freedom.

To the church:

What happen to the church liberating the broken and binding up the wounds? Its not numbers I am concerned with, its quality not just of those who can be discipled, but the quality of our lives as we are called to reach out. When is the church going to step up? When are you and I going to do everything with every fiber of our being to make sure the message gets across? Its not just a duty, to love God is to love his children. When I came to divine revelation I could not grasp how long and how wide and how deep God's love is and that is what inspires me to move and put my words into actions rather than just preach.

I interviewed Pastor Toby at Patten University for my Urban Sociology project and I asked him, "What do you think is the major social issue we deal with today?". I was surprised by his answer because he replied along the lines of, "The gospel is not being preached..even in Christian organizations. You can build recreational centers and swimming pools, but that just smoothe off the edges of just a "social issue" when really people need an internal transformation, not just external hope." All this time I thought that things can be solved with money and more funds to non profit organizations that do a lot for communities. We are not just dealing with social issues like kids living in a Fatherless generation, or the homeless and violence. We are fighting to address the internal issue.

I want to encourage those who are in Milpitas that are believers not to be ashame of the gospel as Paul states the book of Romans 1. C'mon lets tend to the field. Lets co-labor with Jesus and work in the field. I want to encourage pastors or spiritual leaders in Milpitas to see the seriousness behind the matter. I want to exhort those who have taken the initiative to share the love of God wherever they go whether it was in words or in action...keep it up. I want to tell unbelievers my testimony vs. facts and philosophy (Utilitarianism etc. blah blah blah). I want to tell those who I use to be associated that though I'm living for God I still love you and don't look at you any different from myself. I'm a sinner and imperfect, but in submission to the One (God) who has redeemed me. in fact, i am not an erudite either. If I have the knowledge of the world and have great theology, but not love all this would be done in vain and be pointless. I am just a girl who was raised in Milpitas, but I feel like God has ordained Milpitas to be my hometown for a reason. I grew up hating Milpitas and not appreciating the tiny mobile home in which I lived the most part of my life. Now I look at those beautiful hills, knowing that there is purpose in my life...crying with tears of compassion and burden by the great responsibility before me. I have been feeling so inadequate and dry lately, but obedience is key no matter my emotions. I know that God is still on the throne. All I can do is worship Him, pray, and sing praises to Him.
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Christian Soap Opera [21 Nov 2008|11:59pm]
I gaurd my heart. I feel like girls here lack that characteristic. They're careless. I hope I just pray that I don't become careless.
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My brother Sai is named after Apisai Nau a famous missionary of the South Pacific [07 Nov 2008|11:45am]
When I say "I can't do it"...that's when I fail. But when I say "I can do it" thats when I can succeed. I realized how I have sold myself short for so many years because I simply lacked the faith to believe in myself and what I can achieve.

A few nights ago the most wonderful thing happened because I chose to crush the devil's head with my heel and do what God commission me to do. Preach the good news. I was able to do this with my brother Sai. For years I was crying out to God and confused as to why I was so scared to witness to him and my sister Nia. But that was not the case a few nights ago. I chose to speak with authority. I chose to pray for Sai. I chose to bring myself down to Him and rekindle our relationship no matter if we were never even close as brother and sister because he has been in and out of my life. That phone call I made was the result of my faith. And little did I know that God had been preparing his heart for my call this whole time because he was physically so ill. He almost died in the past two weeks because he had a serious lung infection and was sent to the hospital...and I DIDN'T KNOW it! This is a miracle in itself of how God's timing comes into play and how the Holyspirit led me to reach out to him at such a critical time. I had no idea what an impact I could make in our relationship. Who am I? That my brother would even listen to me? A baby sister? But you know what? That's what our mind tries to trick us into thinking...that we aren't good enough and that we CAN'T achieve great and mighty things in God's name and that is a straight up lie. Faith is what we need. When I would pray "God it said in your word that "You will turn hearts of stone into hearts of flesh" (Ezekiel 36:26)...I was speaking with faith...and now my brother is the living testimony of God's promise in His word.

My brother was the type of person that if I said "I love you" he would never respond back or if I tried to hug him he'd be so cold. Now, when I talk to him I feel his humbleness to love and be a big brother to me. He ran away from home when I was 5 so I never got a chance to really know him. And he always had a rebellious spirit getting into trouble with gang violence and just being really reckless. He also lived with my sister and wasted so many years of his life chasing after her fake and luxurious lifestyle. But now, man I just praise God for the change I see in him.

TEARS COMES TO MY EYES....because I really can see the million of angels just rejoicing to see Sai receiving Christ into his heart. This is what I have been longing to experience and witness....just how God's salvation is able to transform a human being and renew them with LIFE. There are no words as to how I feel about this. I am so grateful that after all these years God answered my prayers and the prayers of MANY who has lifted him up in prayer as well in agreement...it took a lot of patience and a lot of faith for this to come to pass. I thank God for Sai's life. All those times I was in chapel on my knees crying I was weeping for Sai, and for the rest of my family. I remember having visions of Him coming to the altar and crying out to God. Its amazing how God works through our faith. "For without faith it is impossible to please God" (Hebrews 11:6) And I'm gon' thank God again in advance that he will deliver the rest of my family as well.

For the one who longs to see their family member get saved I am here to tell you this. Read Isaiah 40:31.....But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength...Just you wait. And just you believe. And just you have faith. God will answer your prayers...just as he did mine. I serve a loving, merciful, and LIVING GOD. Don't lose hope, and never give up the faith...it is the greatest weapon against the lies our minds try to trick us into believing. :)
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I've got it....eureka [07 Oct 2008|12:08am]
I've made the decision to just apply for B.A.U.N. (Bay Area Urban Network) it is such a big committment to be a youth pastor and minister to the kids out here in Oakland but through the time I have been fasting and praying to God I've come to a conclusion.

This is not about me.
This is about God.

All God wants is my availability. He never asked for my ability. But has asked me..."Are you willing to Sacrifice? Are you willing to let ME WORK THROUGH YOU?! Are you going to let the enemy continue to blind you and create FEAR IN YOU?" and I realized this whole time I was being selfish. I was so intimidated and overwhelmed by the committment that I lost focus of God's glory. I lost focus of the positive side of working for B.A.U.N. Of course its going to be hard and take up a lot of time. But is it worth it? HEX OF YES ITS WORTH the time to go and witness to the youth and evangelize and preach the gospel. And I've realized that It is up to me to give God my availability and also my dependibility with my grades, relationships, and ministry. I have to rely on God and just be in a deeper intimacy with Him. And I know that if I am given this job I will draw my energy from God as I take on one of the biggest task of my life.

I thank God for being there for me.
I thank Him for being my provider.
I thank Him for just being a restorer as well.
I praise Him for the great and mighty things He is going to show me through my faithfulness.

I pray that if I am hired for the job, that God will gaurd my heart and that I will be a woman of wisdom rather than silly and impulsive. I want to receive this task with the mentality of complete humbleness and diligence. No more fun and games. Its time to turn Oakland into a city radical for Jesus Christ, radical for change...and that change starts within. I mean I am talking about straight up thugs crying in front of other thugs who are going through major major problems out here on the streets. And me. From Milpitas. A woman. Talking and sharing about Jesus Christ.

Its cuhrazy how far God has brought me.

I'm ready to answer my calling.
I am no longer confused or suffering from an identity crisis.
I am a child of God...and I am to do the will of God as well.



I didn't get the job, but its okay. I'm learning that my ministry is my relationship with Jesus...nothing better than that. =)
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Loving myself [06 Oct 2008|02:18am]
Being here at S.U.M has taught me a lot as a woman. I'm learning to love myself more and more...no not in a selfish or conceited way. I just feel so at peace with myself.

I'm praying for wisdom in my future decisions.

I'm given an opportunity to be a youth pastor here in Oakland but its such a big RESPONSIBILITY...I mean its a gigantic and EnOrmUoS decision that I am not sure I can do it, and then I have my music and God knows how I'm going to sell all those cds cause I haven't even had the chance to really expose my album "Jesus You're All I Need" now available for purchase on the itunes store!!!...I'm just so overwhelmed.

I am just so confused.

I find myself asking:
"God...what do you want from me?"

"I'm trying to be the woman of God you want me to be...please just guide me as I spend more and more time with you."

Other than that, well through all of this yeah it goes back to that love. Whoa, I just love fixin' myself up. Not for anyone's attention but just to appreciate myself. It feels good. I'm just content right now. No matter how ugly life is and how horrible situations are...God has shown me beauty in the midst of turmoil. When I could be complainin' my butt off and throw a venting tantrum I've found complete and absolute joy. That's the beauty of what God has done in my life...he's been my restorer. He's restored my confidence. And no matter what goes down...what matters most is that I know who I'm rollin' with and that is with God.

The more I fall in love with Him, the more I am able to see the strength and potential in me as a woman. I've been able to find my identity in God. Everything I do now just goes back to God. I'm no longer trying to find who I am and relating who I am with what I do. I'm so wrapped up in God's will that it just makes so much sense to me. This whole time from before I found salvation in my life I was basically having an identity crisis. I feel that America is basically experiencing the same thing. Everybody is wrapped up in their college degree, in the American dream of success, making big money, success, success, success, whether you have an American Express card, or got your teeth bleached white. Life isn't a success, its something that we have to work at and its never going to measure up to our standards.

That's why when I gave my life to the Lord I no longer expected much, but I expected myself to do much. Its no longer about me...its about everyone around me and what I am going to do to reach people and share with them the love of God....man it even goes along with marriage. I'm at the point of my life where God's preparing me to love the man that I haven't even married as crazy as it sounds. Cause I haven't even met this man, but I know I already love him! Who does that?!

Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world. But be transformed by the renewing of the mind"

Its like the deeper I go into the word of God and the more time I spend time with him the more radical I come and the more I find myself unchallenged by what America would be challenged by in the context of "love" or "dating"...God has opened my eyes and for the first time ever I feel sooo beautiful. I really feel appreciated as if I am experiencing the physical touch of love. However, that is not the case in my life. I'm just head over heels for Jesus. I'm forserious...this Jesus thing is foreal foreal. Check it out.

I'm not going to blame it on the Doo Wop but daaaaaang I feel good about errthang. Myself. God. even the 21 day corporate fast we are currently having (I'm going all liquids this week). I feel a sense of rejuvenation creepin' on meh. On my next music project I just want to make up some deep raw I mean soulful gospel doo-wop none of that contemporary or crazy loud yelling music. Straight up GOSPEL doo-wop soul. I mean who does that too?!!! I'm telling you. This is version. Satan can't touch this. dun dun nuh nuh nuh nuh....nuh nuh.

I CANNOT WAIIIIIT. Phew. Suummmbody WoooOOooOoO.

Hah. If I could describe my blogs I'd sum it up: "Gospel, Groovy, Rambling." hehe.
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pushin' 21 [19 Sep 2008|10:01pm]
Pushin' 21 and I still haven't been: kissed, on a date, or talked to a guy.

I'm mentioning this because I got into an interesting conversation with the other girls in the dorms. And it puzzles me as to how I was so set apart even with the old lifestyle I was living in and the things I was surrounded by.

I thank God I was saved from giving myself away.

I treasure my independence from physical intamcy...I believe in waiting.

I use to think that saving one's self was taboo and not normal. But I have so much respect for those who wait. Theres something so much deeper about a relationship that is based on spiritualness than physicalness.

That's just my thoughts.

I don't think I would even want to kiss my future husband before we get married. Now that's taboo. Theres just something about Christ that changes your whole perspective on EVERYTHING even relationships. Years ago I would think this is so weird and insane...but I feel that being courted is more promising. I want to commit myself to just one person in my lifetime. Crazy but that's just the way I feel.
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Man does it feel good... [30 Aug 2008|11:05am]
I got broken this week, I got fined for not wiping the top shelves properly in the laundry room and then the next day I got a B+ on a test when I was determined to get an A. I wasn't upset or mad at anyone. I was just really dissappointed in myself. I wanted to start out flawless...but when I read the bible it said "we will always fall short of the glory of God" and I realized that...I'M NOT PERFECT. And I'm here for a reason. So that I can be shattered, broken, and put back together again. No matter how much it hurts to want to justify myself I know that I'm being trained and disciplined and that's something you can't just learn at some school...that's what makes this place different. You have to be humble and listen to authority. Its like a wild horse and a trained horse....theres something so majestic about a horse with its master. That's what God wants to do in my life. He wants me to go down, to deny myself pick up the cross and follow Him. And that's just what I'm determined to do. I want to have that majestic presence in me, that God would use me....that I would be an instrument of His glory.

I know that God's blessing is with me. He's opening the doors its just a matter of me walking through them. And he's bringing people to me who are intrested in my music and networking. Its been an amazing two weeks. I know he has annointed this campus as well. There is so much talent in the first years. I'm so happy to be surrounded by all these people and I pray for each and everyone of them...that we can turn OAKLAND upside down for Jesus. We are ready to make an impact in the Bay Area. I'm ready for a revival. I'm tired of the gang violence, the drive bys here, the crackheads on the streets and kids who resort to drugs and sex because they feel that they aren't capable of anything in life. Its not community programs that can only help its the name of JESUS. Its in that powerful name of Jesus that these kids can find a save haven in. Jesus is the solution...when I discovered his undying love for me in the midst of my misery and sins it was that undying love that transformed me and its the undying love that will transform OAKLAND, and the Bay Area too. Amen.
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Challenging but awesome [25 Aug 2008|11:40pm]
So I moved into the dorms last weekend. And I'm mostly studying hardcore and doing homework and papers. I am pretty determine to succeed scholastically. I thank God for the opportunity to be living here at S.U.M in Oakland (bible college) away from home where I can get my head in the game. Being here motivates me to use every fiber of my being to excel and do my best. I have grown close to the gals in my dorm and its only been one week. One girl in particular "Francis" is an amazing gal...I'm so happy to be in this environment and no matter how challenging it is with all the community volunteer work, street evangelisim, and studying I have to get down I have been able to draw my energy from God. He is the Only reason why I am here and am eager to learn and to serve.
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Right after the interview I was accepted to go to SUM (bible college) so that must mean.... [09 Aug 2008|11:44pm]
I'm moving to Oakland.

This has happen all in 4 days. Gosh things are going by so fast. I'm not surprised they accepted me last minute b/c the interview went amazing...I'm looking forward to being on my own and not being attached to anything but God.
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